01 Oct How to Handle Harsh Feedback Without Giving Up
For new writers and experienced ones alike!
Ever asked for feedback on your manuscript from someone you trust, hit send, and then refreshed your inbox every four minutes for two days straight?
Same! (Editors are not immune, hello!)
Feedback is one of the most useful things a writer can get, and… also one of the scariest. Maybe that’s why this post felt so appropriate for Halloween month! Valuable feedback can lift your book to a whole new level. Equally, it can leave you staring at the wall, wondering if pottery might be a better hobby. Whether this is your first manuscript or your fifth, critique can sting.
So I’ve split this post in two. Pick the column that sounds like you right now!
Already had the feedback? About to ask for it?
You’ve already had the feedback and you’re spiralling
First things first. Put the kettle on, because you’re allowed to feel flattened for a little while. That sting you’re feeling? It shows how much you care, okay?
Give it 24 hours
Don’t reply, don’t rewrite, and don’t decide anything about your book (or yourself!) on day one. Go for a walk, bake something, scream into a pillow if you need to. I like to take a walk on the beach and scream at the sea, but that’s just me! Feedback always lands harder than it should initially. Most writers I work with feel calmer and clearer by day two.
Separate the note from your worth as a writer
“This chapter drags a little” and “you’re a terrible writer who should just give up” are two very different sentences. Even if your brain tries to insist they’re the same. Good feedback is about the pages in front of the reader today. It isn’t a verdict on you.
Read it again with a highlighter
Once the sting has settled, read it a second time and sort each comment into:
- taste
- fixable
- or pattern
One reader’s preference is just a preference. Three readers tripping over the same scene is a pattern, and patterns are gold.
Pick one thing to fix first
Spiralling usually happens when you see forty notes at once and try to fix them all by Friday. Don’t!
I highly recommend creating a spreadsheet for what needs changed/deleted/moved and tracking your progress.
- Choose the one change that will improve the book the most (it’s often structural) and start there. The smaller stuff feels far less scary once the big stuff is sorted. Start big and work down to the refining stuff.
- Work through from the start to the end at your own pace.
Check it’s honest, not just harsh
Honest feedback points at the pages. Harsh-for-the-sake-of-it feedback points at you. The first is a gift, even when it stings. The second you’re allowed to politely bin. Or set fire to it, and I mean this literally. I had a client who loved to print out mean-for-the-sake-of-it feedback and set fire to it. She did this safely in a firepit and always used recycled paper and ink. Made her feel a lot better!
You’re asking for honest but kind feedback (and want to get it right from the start)
Smart move! Asking well, upfront, means you get notes you can actually use, and a much softer landing too.
Know what stage your draft is at
“The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.”
Sir Terry Pratchett
Which is exactly why a first draft is usually for you, not for readers. Give it a pass of your own first, a little ‘self-editing’ if you will, and then tell your readers what stage it’s at, so nobody wastes time circling typos in a story that still needs a new middle.
Tell them exactly what you want to know
“Did you like it?” gets you a polite “Yes, loved it!” every single time. Try these instead:
- Where did you get bored, or start skimming?
- Which chapter did you connect with least?
- Did the ending land the way I hoped?
Say the magic words
“Honest but kind” is my mantra with every client, and it works for beta readers too. Try something like: “I’d love your honest thoughts. Please be kind, but don’t sugarcoat it. I can handle it, and the book needs it!”
Set a deadline and a format
Give people a real date and a way to respond, whether that’s comments in the document, a short Google Form questionnaire, or a chat. Otherwise you’ll get “loved it, cheers for the free copy!” in a Sunday-night text, three weeks late.
Decide what you’ll do with it before it arrives
Before the replies land, promise yourself the 24-hour rule from the other column. Read, close, walk away, then come back with a highlighter and a strategy. Future you will be so grateful!
Whichever column you landed in
Remember that feedback is information about the pages and says nothing about your worth as a writer. You asked for it (or you’re about to) because you want this book to be the best it can be, and that makes you exactly the kind of writer who finishes!
Yes, revising is hard work. It’s also where your book gets better! Detailed and even tough feedback usually means someone took your manuscript seriously enough to be honest with you, and that’s rarer (and more useful) than it feels right now.
Where to next?
Getting ready to ask for feedback? My Beta Reader Resource Kits in the Etsy shop are made for exactly that.
Ready to tackle revisions yourself? My DIY self-edit course for fiction authors walks you through it (a nonfiction version is coming soon!).
Want a second pair of eyes? Get in touch and let’s chat about where your manuscript is at. Honest but kind, always.
Kirsten
P.S. Bookmark this one for the day the next critique lands. It will, and you’ll be ready!
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